Booties required for latecomers, injury results

Source: Ima Gunnafal

The protests of upset back-row-Joes were finally heard. Late arrivers were asked to put on satin booties before stepping onto the hardwood floor of “the back section” to prevent excess noise during meetings. “It’s seriously like a tap show in there,” observed back row regular Blake R. “When people walk in late all you can hear is the clapping of their shoes as they make their way to a seat—how am I supposed to hear what the person next to me is saying.”

“I welcomed the change,” noted a regular latecomer who wished to remain anonymous. “As if the squeak of opening the door to the gym wasn’t enough to get everybody’s head to turn and look at who’s coming in late, the acoustics in that room make it sound like horses are galloping to their seats.”

“Back section” patrons were asked to slip on blue booties sent to the ward house from Salt Lake City. “The foot coverings are not in the best shape because they’re leftovers from temple open houses from all over the United States,” commented Brother D, second counselor in the bishopric. “You never know whose foot has worn the sock before yours—it could have been the prophet, a head of state, or maybe just a person like you or me, which is a true testament that we are all sons and daughters of a Heavenly Father that loves us and treats us the same by making us wear blue covers over our feet when we enter the temple before dedication which happens more and more due to the increasing emphasis on temple and family history work in the church, which, as the scriptures say, are important in preparing the earth for the Second Coming and I look forward to that because it will be a time of peace and happiness all over the world and this good work can continue to go forward in the way it was intended from the foundation of the world.”

The plan seemed reasonable compared to other proposed solutions, which, among others, included replacing the gym’s hardwood floor with carpet like many church building in Utah. Bishop B. would not allow it, however, citing the stern competition we face each year during ward basketball season. “We need hardwood floors to get our teams ready, okay,” he suggested. “I’m doing everything I can to prevent us from losing our competitive edge.”

The new policy transitioned smoothly until one unidentified visitor from the Colonial 2nd Ward failed to remove her stiletto heels and slipped upon entry to the “back section.” The woman twisted her ankle and suffered a minor wrist fracture. One member of her entourage commented, “What? You thought she would take off those shoes? Did you see those shoes? They were so rock’n this place.”